So today there was some big event wherein animals we don’t have on property were brought in to my zoo for a few hours. So today, for the first time ever, I could technically say we have giraffes. Er, giraffe. I ended up getting to stop by as this guy was being loaded up. I. Love. My. Job. OMG.

So today there was some big event wherein animals we don’t have on property were brought in to my zoo for a few hours. So today, for the first time ever, I could technically say we have giraffes. Er, giraffe. I ended up getting to stop by as this guy was being loaded up. I. Love. My. Job. OMG.

So this happened today.

That’s me holding a Red Ruffed Lemur in a bowl this morning at work. Yup, love life!

So this happened today.

That’s me holding a Red Ruffed Lemur in a bowl this morning at work. Yup, love life!

christ franco, you crazy bastard, i love your stupid face.

christ franco, you crazy bastard, i love your stupid face.

(Source: jamesfrancoforever, via justbebrave)

kjhdfgjhbdfgjhbdsgf i cannot handle this shit tumblr.

(via octotroll)


drink with me, to days gone by.to the life, that used to be.at the shrine of friendship never say diehere’s to you, and here’s to me…

drink with me, to days gone by.
to the life, that used to be.
at the shrine of friendship never say die
here’s to you, and here’s to me…

(via gotmagicwithoutwands)

lolzpicx:

Captain Ameowica

PRECIOUS.

lolzpicx:

Captain Ameowica

PRECIOUS.

(Source: youaremypeach-youaremyplum, via octotroll)

I love informercial over-exaggeration.

(Source: elestajao, via divinewolfwood)

fergflash:

madehimsaycomfychairs:

halffizzbin:

cricketandperv:

violetsunnyklaus:

About seven years ago, all my friends my age got married. And about three years after that, they all started having babies, which set into motion the idea that eventually they’re gonna have to talk about sex to their kids. And that just freaks me out. I have cats—they were broken, but now they’re fixed—so I don’t have to worry about this. However, if I had the opportunity to suddenly be confronted by my son as a young man asking me for advice about sex… with girls… this is what I would say.

One: Buy condoms. Buy them and keep them with you at all times, and use them before you are asked to use them. And use them every time. The peace of mind you allow your partner will free her to be vulnerable with you, and that, my son, is exactly what sex is about. Condoms are sexy. In fact, call buying condoms foreplay. (Footnote: If you are too embarrassed to buy condoms, you are not ready to have sex.)

Two: Kissing is not merely foreplay. Spend entire evenings making out on the couch while fully clothed. Believe me, dry-humping rocks.

Three: Sex is not just about friction. It’s about emotion. Stop trying to find her clitoris and find her heart. Because then she’ll help you find her clitoris.

Four: If you really wanna know how to please a woman, ask her how she masturbates. Then do that. A lot. If she claims she doesn’t masturbate, offer to take her shopping for a vibrator so you can both learn the vocabulary of her body together.

Five: Don’t put anything in her butthole you wouldn’t want in your own. (Footnote: Try a pinky finger, it’s kinda awesome.)

Six: When you go down on her—and you will go down on her, and if you are my son, you will be amazing at it—tell her how good she tastes. Stop in the middle and kiss her deeply so she knows how good she tastes. Do the same when she goes down on you.

Seven: A simple Google search will yield 1,327 euphemisms for male masturbation, yet only 23 for female masturbation. If guys spent less time jacking off and more time jilling off, this world would be a happier place.

Eight: Everything you need to know about the importance of the clitoris is in the movie Star Wars. You are Luke Skywalker piloting your penis-shaped X-Wing Fighter deep inside her trench. Remember: seventy percent of all Death Stars cannot be blown up through penetration of the trench alone. It must be through focused contact with that little exhaust port at the top of the trench. Otherwise, any explosions you experience will be merely Hollywood special effects.

Nine: Just because you come doesn’t mean she has, so don’t you dare come before her. Focus completely on your partner. Don’t worry about gettin’ yours, you’re a guy. You always get yours. Your job is to make sure she’s gettin’ hers.

Ten: If sex with your partner lasts no longer than this poem, you are not making love. You are masturbating with her body instead of your hand. Shame on you. Go back to step one. You’ve got a lot of learning to do.

Love, Dad.

This guy’s writing is fantastic. And also OMG STAR WARS.

Holy shit this is literally all you need to know.

THIS IS AWESOME

I was going to reblog this anyway because it’s pretty fantastic…and then I got to the Star Wars reference. And it became a perfect post.

Reblogging for the Star Wars bit.

(Source: internmarlee, via lightsaberarmedmuggle)

Forrest Gump (1994)

(Source: babeimgonnaleaveu, via misfitmonica)

So our interns are winding down their internships and it’s hard to believe that their time is almost up with us. I’ve ended up befriending two of the four I see each weekend to the point of making our friendship facebook official (the other two are nice, they just don’t really talk much, even when engaged). So this is going to be how it is to miss interns. What a weird twist of fate, life, to miss your internship from years ago and still be able to miss your interns too.

Yup. Definitely watched this movie last night. Nothing says perfect like Land Before Time.

Yup. Definitely watched this movie last night. Nothing says perfect like Land Before Time.

(Source: boomvagynamite, via misfitmonica)

When you think you are being productive but in reality you are just like

goforthmylove:

omgtooreal:

image

There has never been a more accurate post… or a more accurate use of this gif.

(via scienceofficer)

Officially a photographer for the Quidditch World Cup next month!

misfitmonica:

offendedrhino:

Life = good!

:D HI! Me too!!

Woohoo, glad I won’t be the only tumblrian on the photo team!


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